Sunday, March 24, 2013

I'm Going To Go Kicking And Screaming? No.

It's 3 AM.  I can't sleep.  It's a genetic problem I have.  I inherited it from my mom and passed it on to my daughter.  I wake up, toss and turn in bed for a bit, get up and pee, go back to bed, toss and turn for five minutes or so, and then get up.  In the old days, I'd watch TV.  Now I surf Al Gore's interwebs and update my blog.

I think I'm most creative at this time.  I'm certainly more introspective, and instead of writing about painting a windlass, I think about deeper things, such as death.

Oh, no one likes to talk about it.  It's creepy.  But we all know we're headed in that direction.  As my old buddy Vic said, "No one is getting out alive!".  He said that when he was 30.  Vic died at 40 of lung cancer.

We know it's inevitable, like taxes and campaign promises.  Most people fear death. Usually, it's the young, and that's understandable.  They haven't had a chance to live.  I have.

No, I hope I don't go anytime soon.  I still have so much more living to do,  especially with the light of my life, Pamela, by my side.  But if I was given a sudden, short prognosis that wasn't good, would I be upset?   Sure.  For a few days.  But then I'd think back on my life and reflect on all I've done.

I've lived life on my terms for the past 30 years.  Yes, before that, it was on society's terms.  School, work, marriage, mortgage, etc.  But at age 32, life suddenly crystallized for me.  I realized that I could be in control of my life.  I realized that money was secondary to... well... everything.  And it's when you realize that, and instead of adjusting your working life to pay for your non-working life, you adjust your  non-working life to live within your  means, that you achieve happiness.

I'm not going to go into all the details of my life here.  Sorry.  Suffice to say that, for the past 30 years, I've lived it on my terms.  And for all you current cruisers and liveaboards, I know that I'm preaching to the choir.  You all get it.

My point here is to give all you others some advice.  Live like there's no tomorrow. Live your life so that it is not only fulfilling for you, but for your friends and family.  Live such that, when you die, there won't be a funeral and sadness, but a celebration that you lived at all.

I can honestly say that when my time comes, there will be two tears.  One will be for leaving such a wonderful world, and such wonderful people I've met along the way.  To my daughter, Becky... my ex-wife Jahnn, to whom I owe much... and especially to my wife Pamela, the light of my life, the person who brings joy to all I do.  But there will also be a tear of happiness, for being able to have lived life on my terms, in such a wonderful place.

I could go tomorrow and have few regrets.   I'm thankful that I ran my own business for so many years.  I'm grateful for the many days I've spent on boats.  There is nothing like spending a day boating, free, at least for a short time, from the stress and worry of the world.   My heart is full of love for the people I've met along the way, who have rewarded me with friendship and kindness, and  hopefully I've reciprocated adequately.

Finally, they say that girls marry their fathers, and boys marry their mothers.  No, not literally.  That would be wrong.  My mom was of Polish descent, and always had a cheery disposition and a smile and kind words for those around her.  My mom's yearbook stated, under her senior photo, "a merry heart goes all the day".   That was my mom.  I married my mom when I married Pamela, another of Polish descent.  She has a merry heart, all the day, every day.  It must be in the genes.

Yep.  If I go tomorrow, there will be tears.  But most important will be the tear of joy for the privilege of such a wonderful life.  I love you all.   I love you, especially, Pamela.  Not because I have to.  But because I want to.


  1. It's clear you are a glass-half full plus! kind of guy.
    No room in life for the grumpies; after all, life is what you make it. Well said.